You’re Worth the Right Choice

Have you ever felt like its coming at you from all sides?

Exhausted gif

That is my life right now, be it work, classes, family, relationships, finances, moving… its all about to crush me into dust.

My aunt text me this morning telling me she loved me. Nothing weird… then she asks if I’d talked to my little sister (who just graduated high school last night.) Apparently, my mother had shown up at graduation higher than the empire state building (on pain pills), and effectively ruined the whole thing. I couldn’t be there because of work, and it being three hours away, but none the less I felt horrible for my sister.

All I could tell her was that our mother’s decisions are no reflection on us. That I loved her. That we are strong girls to have survived a childhood like we had. That we will always be there for each other, and our little brother (whose only 9) going through exactly what we did. She is not our responsibility–our only responsibility is to ourselves first and foremost. Everything else will have to fall inline because there is no way to help someone who wont help themselves.

I’ve told you before, I don’t have parents. I have a biological mother, yes, but she’s not fit to be responsible for herself… let alone the three other human beings she’s produced.

Sorry this one isn’t flashy, or funny. But its real. Drug abuse has been in my life since I was born, and its not going away any time soon. It makes the life a child harder in every single way possible, but if you are going through something similar: know you can make it, if you just don’t give up. Know you’re worth it, even if your family member chooses drugs over you. Because your life is worth living, especially when you make the right choices despite of all the wrong ones around you.


Quote of the Day:

Control

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I’m like the female Harry Potter… only much less cool.

So here comes another glimmer in my life, everyone.

who am I

If someone asks me who my mom is, or who my dad is, I can give them a name or two. Technically, being adopted, I have two sets of “parents,” really. But if someone asks me, in the correct context, “tell me who your parents are,” I would tell them I haven’t got any. Drugs and bad life-decisions took my parents from me.

uhmm

Sorry if that’s a bit awkward.

My family forced my mother to give custody to my paternal great-grandmother right around the time I started kindergarten. She was almost completely nonfunctional, living in a bad apartment complex, that was known for murders and druggies. It’s surprising that my little sister and I are still alive since would often “sneak out” and go play on the complex’s playground, completely unsupervised while my mother slept until 1 o’clock in the afternoon. To boot, she was dating one of the biggest drug-ring leaders in the city, who is now in jail for cutting the throat of a man who was trying to save a girl he was savagely beating in a parking lot. Oh, and Dad was MIA.

awkward

When I was given over to my dad’s grandmother, they told me my mom had gone on vacation. It was confusing, but otherwise I can’t remember most of that time other than a few snippets here and there. I was then raised by an emotionally stunted witch of a woman for 15 years, who at some point “adopted me” so she would get a check each month. She spent it mostly on QVC.

JT stare

After moving out when I was 17, I had already gotten my full-ride scholarship to the University of Louisville and was biding my time until I could head off to college, three hours away from the woman who had made my life a living hell for most of my growing-up years. The hardest thing to leave behind was my cat I’d gotten when I was nine: Ittybitty. 😦 He passed away last year, before I got to say goodbye.

Ittybitty11

My mother has been in out of rehab/jail for most of my life, and the woman that “raised” me passed away also, earlier this year. My father, on the other hand, is currently a 40-something year old living with his mother, and is of no importance to my life–and hasn’t been since probably the 5th grade.

All that being said…

I don't work right

 


 

Quote of the Day:

selfish

 

I couldn’t help what I was born into, only my own decisions & I chose my happiness to be of the utmost importance.