Crying on a plane… New Low. (High?)

Bad pun. Terribly sorry.

This message is brought to you by Katie: sad, heartbroken intern that has everything in the world going for her and she can’t stand it.

I feel like the lowest of the low. Have you ever felt bad for feeling bad? Seriously. New car. New home. New job. And I’m crying on a stupid airplane because I let another person contort my emotions to the point of tears. How stupid can a girl get?

wtf

“Well whatever” says the ex that is going to be in Louisville, KY and didn’t bother to tell me. To boot he’s not the least bit perturbed that that day he’s back happens to be the day I’m in Charlotte, North Carolina. I think that sends a pretty clear message, don’t you?

today uscks

So why am I still clinging to the hope it can work out? Why haven’t I broken those connections? Its because I’m not winning. Let me tell you, I’ve started moving on from this guy many times over. I go back because I accept the apology, not because I have to. But this mother-heffer is the one that effectively dumped me, so what does my heart tell me? Sob. Cry. Feel broken. Because you’re the loser. How messed up is that?

Lily

Yeah…

The psychology behind these emotions sickens me, because I’ve been fine before, when we’ve fallen out. But being blindsided, and being left behind has uprooted my senses and has caught me so off guard I’m not able to right myself. Tonight should be one of the most memorable nights for me, and I’m held down by a leaden chest.

Preach it Snape!

Preach it, Snape.

So what can I do? I can keep telling myself things, repeating it over and over, logistically. But there’s that nagging, stupid, ugly voice that keeps whispering that it could get better with him. But I’m alone, and crazy, and really want to adopt a cat.

heavy breathing

I guess its time for a rebound… everyone have a great night while I lay in bed on tender, searching my soul for dignity once more.

For your further amusement: 15 Gifs to help get through a break up.


Quote of the Day:

dwelling

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Screw Heartache

Today’s blog is mainly for those trying to deal with matters of the heart.

( Fast Update: Ex-BF left for his job that moved him last minute across country, meaning our plans to try and re-build are shot. That’d be understandable, except his opinion is to grow apart permanently. His chosen method of doing that? Not speaking to me at all. Cool. )

The heart is such a petty, fickle, stupid thing. I’d be better off being a-sexual, and adopting cute, chunky little babies on my own.

Laughing baby

Do you ever feel like your family has undermined you? I kind of blame them for my lack of ability not give a flying flip about a man. Of course, being raised in a matriarchal-facade where the women “run the show,” except can’t stand on their own two feet with out being supported by a man kind of does that to you. They fall to pieces when they find themselves in an unhealthy relationship, and when it goes sour, rarely stay single for more than a week at a time. Find love, run them off, and the cycle repeats. They are incapable of a health single-hood.

And of course media doesn’t help in the slightest. Books, movies, even songs are completely warped in the idea of “you can’t live with out them” bull. Its pretty much horse shit. (sorry Merkel) I read all sorts of fairy-tale centered love stories, and listened to the country music, and watched the romantic comedies and I’m pissed about it.

BUCK UP, LADIES! Everyone, for that matter. You’re only as happy as you allow yourself to be and while people enter and leave your lives every day: Pick those who will pull you higher, and those that drag you down: cut off.

I’ve started moving on from this guy a few times over, and keep handing out another chance. He has until the weekend… and if he still has chosen to find my friendship, my involvement in his life to be of such a lesser need than everything else, well… Its going to be a complete transition. Facebook? Blocked. iPhone? Blocked. All contact is going to be removed. Because its time I moved the heck on if this is the chosen path.

Love yourself first, and foremost. It’ll get lonely, and you’ll feel hopeless. Allow yourself one good, hard cry and then demand of yourself not to shed another tear. When it gets hard, remember it wont last forever and it sure the hell wont matter in the years to come.


Quote of the Day:

Don't Chase