You’re Worth the Right Choice

Have you ever felt like its coming at you from all sides?

Exhausted gif

That is my life right now, be it work, classes, family, relationships, finances, moving… its all about to crush me into dust.

My aunt text me this morning telling me she loved me. Nothing weird… then she asks if I’d talked to my little sister (who just graduated high school last night.) Apparently, my mother had shown up at graduation higher than the empire state building (on pain pills), and effectively ruined the whole thing. I couldn’t be there because of work, and it being three hours away, but none the less I felt horrible for my sister.

All I could tell her was that our mother’s decisions are no reflection on us. That I loved her. That we are strong girls to have survived a childhood like we had. That we will always be there for each other, and our little brother (whose only 9) going through exactly what we did. She is not our responsibility–our only responsibility is to ourselves first and foremost. Everything else will have to fall inline because there is no way to help someone who wont help themselves.

I’ve told you before, I don’t have parents. I have a biological mother, yes, but she’s not fit to be responsible for herself… let alone the three other human beings she’s produced.

Sorry this one isn’t flashy, or funny. But its real. Drug abuse has been in my life since I was born, and its not going away any time soon. It makes the life a child harder in every single way possible, but if you are going through something similar: know you can make it, if you just don’t give up. Know you’re worth it, even if your family member chooses drugs over you. Because your life is worth living, especially when you make the right choices despite of all the wrong ones around you.


Quote of the Day:

Control

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4 Methods to Handle a Breakup Well (as told by gif)

So as you’ve might have gleamed from posts this last two weeks or so, I’m going through bit of a rough patch in my love life. I’d like to say that I normally don’t respond this poorly to a break up, but in reality, all break ups are different and can be handled differently. I.E.:

life sucks

As a reminder to myself, as well as maybe some ideas for you to try, here are my 4 Methods to Handle a Break-Up Well (as told by gif, of course.)

1. When you first wake up, it takes a few seconds to remember why you have this sense of foreboding. I’ve trained my morning process to immediately start by saying ,”no” to the negative thoughts that will try to come racing into my head. Just keep repeating NO, NO, NO until you can find a proper distraction. (the app 9gag is one of my favorites.)

 waking up

2. Dates, dates, and more dates. Its easier to move on when you know you have plenty of options. Some times you might feel like, “no one wants to date me” or “I don’t know anyone” then resort to facebook creeping friends you don’t know well enough (that are single, duh). Or tinder, the “hot new app” for finding singles in your area. (this is a judge free zone, I remind you.) Last resort: repeat dates from guys/gals that didn’t work out before. Second chance, ya know? Just keep your self occupied!

 like a tree

3. This might be a given, but I’ll say it anyway. Distance yourself, or even better, cut yourself off from the person you’re getting over. Its 9 trillion times easier to move on when you don’t have a text message you’re waiting on, or over-analyzing every single detail about their behavior or words.

X cut off

4. Lastly, just simply know its going to get easier. Because it does, I swear to you on all that is holy, it will get easier if you make sure you’re treating it in a healthy way. A wound wont heal if you don’t keep it clean, mind you. Eventually:

 no power

I really hated using only 4 methods (such an odd number) but I couldn’t think of fifth worth sharing, and this post is getting long enough as it is. Everyone, have a good night, and if you happen to know a revolutionizing method to handle a break up that I don’t know, for god’s sake post. </3


Quote of the Day:

you'll make it

Screw Heartache

Today’s blog is mainly for those trying to deal with matters of the heart.

( Fast Update: Ex-BF left for his job that moved him last minute across country, meaning our plans to try and re-build are shot. That’d be understandable, except his opinion is to grow apart permanently. His chosen method of doing that? Not speaking to me at all. Cool. )

The heart is such a petty, fickle, stupid thing. I’d be better off being a-sexual, and adopting cute, chunky little babies on my own.

Laughing baby

Do you ever feel like your family has undermined you? I kind of blame them for my lack of ability not give a flying flip about a man. Of course, being raised in a matriarchal-facade where the women “run the show,” except can’t stand on their own two feet with out being supported by a man kind of does that to you. They fall to pieces when they find themselves in an unhealthy relationship, and when it goes sour, rarely stay single for more than a week at a time. Find love, run them off, and the cycle repeats. They are incapable of a health single-hood.

And of course media doesn’t help in the slightest. Books, movies, even songs are completely warped in the idea of “you can’t live with out them” bull. Its pretty much horse shit. (sorry Merkel) I read all sorts of fairy-tale centered love stories, and listened to the country music, and watched the romantic comedies and I’m pissed about it.

BUCK UP, LADIES! Everyone, for that matter. You’re only as happy as you allow yourself to be and while people enter and leave your lives every day: Pick those who will pull you higher, and those that drag you down: cut off.

I’ve started moving on from this guy a few times over, and keep handing out another chance. He has until the weekend… and if he still has chosen to find my friendship, my involvement in his life to be of such a lesser need than everything else, well… Its going to be a complete transition. Facebook? Blocked. iPhone? Blocked. All contact is going to be removed. Because its time I moved the heck on if this is the chosen path.

Love yourself first, and foremost. It’ll get lonely, and you’ll feel hopeless. Allow yourself one good, hard cry and then demand of yourself not to shed another tear. When it gets hard, remember it wont last forever and it sure the hell wont matter in the years to come.


Quote of the Day:

Don't Chase

I want to put a strain of obscenities right here.

So it’s Sunday morning and I’m try not to sob like a little bitch.

Crying

My ex. Well… last time I posted, we were going to have a date night. I could tell he wasn’t all there during the date, though, and I was pretty pissed about it. Turns out, he was preparing to drop a huge bomb on me.

Bomb gif

See, he was going to leave to work in Houston, TX. Two weeks on, two weeks off. We were hoping to use that two weeks off to rebuild our relationship. Well apparently Thursday, on his way to Louisville to see me, he got a call from his boss’ boss. He is being relocated, fully to Reno, Nevada… not on rotation. What does that mean? That means everything we had been talking about this semester was now up the creek with out a paddle.

Eat Pray Love gif

It may have been the way he approached it, but to me, this was probably some of the most heart breaking moments with him, that I’ve ever had. Because we are so tired of doing long distance. (We dated for about two years while he was at another University getting his degree.) Right now, he doesn’t want to try to “date”, and while I want to at this moment, I know its not a good idea. He says it can be 3 months, it can be a year, then they’ll relocate him somewhere else. (With the “possibility” it will be on rotation)

Dating gif

I’m going to miss him like crazy, guys, but even more so–I am so scared. He has been the person I’ve been the closest to for the last three years. I really don’t want to lose him so suddenly. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.Its even more worse because I’m the only one in the situation thats sad about it. How can he be? He’s starting a new adventure, his career. While I’m the debby downer being left behind.

allergic to jerks

I just have to tell myself this is like a blink of an eye. A year, even two, in the span of a lifetime is nothing. Its going to be okay. He and I will still talk. I’ll be crazy busy with my life (classes this year are going to be a B) and maybe at the end of the road, we’ll find a way to make it work. It might be like we’re paying the toll for our future happiness. Get through the hard years, and eventually it’ll get easier?

There, there

Sorry this ones a little longer/more depressing. I’ll try and find the spunk to make the next one crack you all up. Thank you for letting me open up to you about this, and I think it helped to see it in front of me. Now I’m either going to sleep my sorrows away, or watch Game of Thrones. I haven’t quite decided.

Akward

Try to have a good day everyone!


Quote of the Day:

Love it

(I’ll try and bare this in mind for a while.)